Seeing Her Clearly
by cmd456
Summary: "You are in the Garden of Lonely Children, in the tell-tale Forest of Dreams. Here, things appear as they really are."
1. Chapter 1

Snow walks silently and with determination. She'd managed to escape the castle without alerting Charming or the dwarves, but it wouldn't take them very long to realize she was missing, so she had to move fast.

The forest was different at night - mystical. A quality hung in the air that made her shiver and wonder at it in awe. It was the queen that had brought her here so far into the night. She wanted the whole story - the entire picture. Her stepmother had been an enigma for far too long. There must have been something more to compel the once kind-hearted, gentle savior of Snow's childhood to become the vicious and malignant woman that she was now. It had to be more that just the spilled secret.

A sharp pang of guilt caused the princess to wince. She was the reason the stable boy was dead. Several tears slipped down Snow's cheeks. Daniel had been kind to her, had given her a riding lesson as a thank you for keeping their secret...only, she hadn't. She'd told Cora. She'd written his death sentence.

Just as she'd nearly written Regina's. Charming had been utterly confused as to why she would even entertain the thought of letting the queen live. He'd told her that she had to stop being naïve and accept the fact that the Regina she so fondly remembered was gone - dead - replaced by a murderer.

But it was that compelling feeling in her gut that was driving her to her destination. A place of legends, where all becomes clear.

"Who disturbs me?"

Snow halts, nearly running into a tall figure standing in her path. The figure starts to circle around her, a cloak hiding its face from view, though by the sound of the voice, she's pretty sure it's a man.

"Answer me!" he bellows.

"I'm Snow White," she answers. She's tempted to grab her bow from around her body, but ultimately decides it would not be wise - most guardians wield some type of magic.

"You have come here for what purpose, Snow White?" The cloaked figure continues to circle her, as if to get every detail of her.

"I wish to see someone clearly."

He finally stops circling her, stopping just shy of her peripheral vision. And suddenly, she's no longer in the forest, but in a moonlit garden full of wild flowers and weeds and tall grass. A fountain covered in ivy and honeysuckle sits in the center of the garden, though it can't possibly be honeysuckle. She's never seen a honeysuckle vine with blue orbs in the centers of its flowers.

"Where am I?" Snow asks as she takes a step closer to the decaying fountain.

"You are in the Garden of Lonely Children, in the tell-tale Forest of Dreams," the guardian tells her. "Here, things appear as they really are."

She turns to look at him, confusion written plainly on her features. "But the person I want to know about isn't a child."

"She was a child at some point, no?" He begins to advance towards the vine-covered fountain, and Snow begins to follow when his choice of gender finally dawns on her.

"I never said it was a she."

He turns, and Snow knows he's smiling even though she can't see his face. A soft chuckle escapes from the cloak, a sound of disbelief and amusement. "Princess, I know all of my garden's occupants. You're in her memories," he says.

It's an idea that almost causes Snow to smile, but she knows the memories of her will not be happy or pleasant ones. It never escaped her as a girl when her stepmother would cringe at the sound of her name coming off Snow's tongue, the forced smiles she gave when presented with the task of entertaining her young stepdaughter.

"Come, Snow White, and see her clearly."

 **AN**

 **So what do you guys think? Should I keep this musing of my muse alive? Please leave me a review!**

 **TM -** ** _Long Live the_** _Muse_


	2. Chapter 2

"She looks like Henry."

Snow cringes at the words. Cora - it's most certainly Cora - stands over an ornate white crib, staring at the doll-like child that resides in its hold. A man stands next to her, one Snow is almost quite sure she should know.

"What a shame. I had quite high hopes she would at least be attractive when she got older."

The two leave, shutting the door forcefully behind them. A small and timid wail erupts from the baby and Snow gently creeps closer to it. What she sees when she finally reaches its edges is the furthest thing from unattractive. The baby's face is soft and round, the skin the color of cream. Full pink lips create a cupid's bow of a mouth. A head full of dark hair, fine and softly curling at the ends. The queen has been beautiful since birth it would seem.

She reaches to stroke the soft, supple skin when a cloud of crimson smoke startles her. Snow scampers back to her original hiding place. They may only be memories, but she's not going to take any chances with the Dark One. She watches as Rumplestiltskin silently stalks over to the crib, a cruel smile appearing on his lips as he sees the wooden structures contents.

"Lonely little beastie, aren't you?"

Snow watches with trepidation as the imp of a man picks up the little bundle that will become the Evil Queen. But the baby doesn't make a sound, content to just be held. She wonders if Cora has ever held Regina, if she's ever cuddled her against her when she cries. Probably not.

The last thing she sees is Rumple place the infant back in its white prison and say words that may haunt Snow for the rest of her life -

"Lonely you are, and lonely you shall always be."

 **o0o**

"Oh, you stupid creature! Look what you've done!"

Cora always made Snow cringe, but hearing words like that make her cringe harder - especially at the fact that they're aimed at a toddler with dark ringlets and sticky fingers.

It's clear little Regina has gotten into something or other, and being a child, not thinking what would happen to her mother's white dress should those sticky appendages come into contact with it. Now the little fingers are twisting each other nervously, and a pouty bottom lip trembles in fear.

"I'm sorry, Mommy, I just-"

Snow screams when a hand collides with the innocent child's cheek. Of course, no one hears her, it's a memory. But someone must have heard the sharp cry come from the little girl, for only moments later, a well-dressed man enters the chamber, a concerned look on his face.

"My dear, is everything alright?"

It must be Henry, Snow surmises. Regina's father. She remembers him as a kind man, a man faithful and loyal to his daughter, whatever her pursuit. She'd spend a little time with him here and there when she had been a child.

Snow was drawn from her recallings back to the memory when Cora snatches up the white gown and tosses it the unlit fireplace. She lights a fire in her hand before hurling it at the white fabric, watching it burn with a deep scowl on her face.

"Everything is fine," the woman snaps. She motions for someone to enter the chamber, and a servant girl steps over the threshold. "Take her to her room and lock the door when you leave."

Henry steps forward, his hand reaching towards his wife's shoulder. "Cora-"

"Get out, Henry."

Snow is appalled when he says nothing more and leaves. Had he not seen the red, hand-shaped welt on his daughter's face? Had he not seen her pleading look as he turned his back and exited the room?

Apparently not, for the maid scoops up the young girl and whisks her out of her mother's chambers. Snow follows with a heavy heart, tears coming in twos and threes as she watches Regina's little face begin to bruise. But the amount of tears she sheds now are nothing to the amount she when Snow lays eyes on what constitutes as Regina's room.

A large bed and a single straight-backed chair are the sole occupants of the chamber. The child is placed roughly in the chair and left, the sound of the lock clicking into place echoing in the nearly empty room.

Tears come in torrents as she watches the little child climb up onto the large bed and huddle down on top of its covers. Tears flow like waterfalls as Snow listens to the lonely girl sing herself to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Snow finds herself in a field of wildflowers when she opens her eyes. She looks around her and spies the familiar estate to the north of where she stands. It doesn't take her long to spot Regina. She's grown again, and is happily chasing the sunlight, laughing and giggling as she plays. She stops only briefly to hug a tree and whisper to it.

"Hello, tree. Did you know today is my birthday?"

And it's in that moment that Snow wishes she had stayed in bed with her fiancé instead of traipsing through Regina's godforsaken memories. For a child must truly to be lonely to tell a tree that it's their birthday.

Snow had never had never had a reason to tell anyone or anything it was her birthday - everyone and everything already knew. Her nanny, Johanna, the servants, the guards, the cooks, her mother and father, and even Regina had always remembered the date and were always prepared with gifts and well-wishes. Snow doubts very much that anyone in yonder estate had an inkling of what today was, and it tore her heart to shreds.

"Mother got angry when I told her, but that's okay, because she said my present was I could go outside without her."

What beast of a mother got angry over their child's birthday? Snow's opinion of Cora grew less and less with each new memory she saw. She watches as the young version of her stepmother continued to frolic through the tall blossoms, humming and giggling.

Suddenly, she's overcome with the most awful feeling. Even she doesn't know when the queen's birthday is. They had never celebrated it when her father was alive, and she had never thought to ask Regina.

What must it feel like to have no one know the one day that can make you just the slightest bit happy? Snow tries to think of a day when Regina's smile had been just a little more hopeful, a little less sad. But she can't. The all blend together in a mass of sad and forced shows of affection. Oh how she wishes she had never gone to the blasted garden! Oh, to be ignorant once more!

Tears come in steady streams as she watches Regina laugh and sing, free of pain, but not of loneliness. Rumple's words ring in her ears as the memory slowly fades away.

 _"Lonely you are, and lonely you shall always be."_

 **o0o**

"How dare you leave without my permission!"

Snow was getting rather tired of being greeted by Cora's cold, harsh words. Why couldn't any of these damn memories have a pleasant start to them? She watches as a now blossoming Regina fidgets with one of the few remaining buttons on the girl's dirty and torn dress.

"Daddy said-"

The girl is promptly cut off by a swift slap to the face. But despite the cruel action of her mother, Regina remains calm, raising her hand only to cover the reddening cheek.

They are in the estate's stables, a place not unfamiliar to Snow. She looks around her, and it's then that she spots the young figure peeking its head from behind the stall door. It must be him - it has to be him.

"You dare to think your father has any say in how you are raised?"

Regina's eyes remain fixed on her scuffed and muddy shoes. "I only wanted to play with the other children, Mother."

Before she can even register what has happened, Regina stumbles back, blood coming from where she grips her mouth. Snow nearly loses the contents of her stomach when she sees the riding whip in Cora's hand, its edge tainted with the blood of the struck child. She watches in horror as Regina's hand is cruelly snatched away from her face, revealing the deep gash left in her upper lip.

Cora flings the whip aside and grabs her daughter firmly by the shoulders, forcing her to straighten her back, though the young girl's lips still tremble and her eyes dart around in fear.

"You will remember your place, Regina, or my next punishment will not be so kind."

Snow wishes in that moment it was not a memory she was witnessing, for she would surely kill this wretched witch without a second thought. She watches the woman leave and longs to gather the sobbing girl into her arms. To hold her close and whisper words of comfort. But she suspects someone in the memory is going to do the job for her.

Snow watches as he slowly creeps out from his hiding place, and his timid steps do not alert Regina to his presence. But his small hand on her shaking shoulder does the trick, and Regina jumps away from the contact. Snow pays close attention as the almost teenaged girl whirls around to face the owner of the hand, watches as a young, giddy smile graces the tear- and blood-stained features.

"Hello, Regina."

"Daniel."

 **AN**

 **Thank you guys so much for the awesome reviews! Glad that you're enjoying the story so much, and I hope to keep this story going strong to the end!**

 **TM -** ** _Long Live the_** _Muse_


	4. Chapter 4

"Daniel, I don't think I can eat all of this in one sitting."

Finally, Snow thinks. It's about time one of these things started on a pleasant note. She's greeted by the sight of the two secret lovers sharing a midnight picnic in one of the horses' stalls. Her stepmother is most definitely a teenager now, sixteen if Snow has to guess. She certainly looks more like the Regina she remembers.

She thinks of David as she watches the love-struck teenagers awkwardly laugh at cheesy jokes and semi-funny stories about their days. It's obvious that they love each other. Daniel's eyes practically scream it, and Regina's cheeks glow with the warmth and beauty of true love. He grabs her hand and pulls her closer to her side, and she rests her head on his shoulder.

"Then don't. You can always come back tomorrow night and finish it."

Regina laughs and shakes her head. But it's not genuine, that laugh. Snow sees the sad tint in the girl's eyes. His words have dampened her mood and Snow knows why - Cora. Regina may have been able to sneak out this night, but it would be suicide to try it again the next.

"While I would enjoy that very much, when both know my mother would catch us."

Daniel sighs, a frustrated look taking up residence on his face. "Maybe if you just tell her, we wouldn't need to sneak around, Regina."

Her stepmother pushes herself away from the stable boy, her gaze falling to the straw-covered floor. Snow sees the tears that silently make their way down Regina's cheeks. She can't even try to imagine what it's like to be in love and not be able to tell your mother about it.

"My mother is not like yours, Daniel. She has prepared me to be a royal my entire life. It could not possibly end well if I told her I loved you."

Regina's tears slow some, and Snow watches as she turns to face him, this boy that has stolen her heart. She shakes her head again and begins to rise. She's risking a lot by being out here as late as it is, and Daniel knows that. He stands and helps her to her feet.

"One day, I'm going to take you far, far away from here, and I'm going to spend every day after that trying to make you happy."

Snow watches with sadness as Regina grabs his shirt and smashes her full, pink lips against his. It doesn't last terribly long, and Snow knows it has to be their first kiss. Eventually the girl pulls away and backs away slowly, till she's out the door. Snow watches as the boy gingerly touches his lips as giant smile forms.

She quickly exits the stables and searches for Regina in the darkness. She finds her just steps away from the manor's gates, staring at the sky. Snow expects to see her stepmother smiling as well. Instead, she watches as the girl sobs at the stars.

"I wish I had never met him."

 **o0o**

Snow awakens in the stables...again. But this time, she immediately wants to leave. Her childhood steed is in the last stall on the left of where she stands. Regina is hugging her mother, and Snow can't see her face, though by Daniel's expression, Snow knows she's more than likely smiling. She watches in horror as Cora's gaze drifts to the stable boy.

"Daniel."

Snow squeezes her eyes shut and backs up against the closed stable door. "Guardian, stop! Get me out of here!" she screams.

Cora extricates herself from her daughter's embrace and slowly walks toward the young man and touches his arm, taking only a second to glance at her child before pulling him away to the center of the stables, leaving a smiling Regina by the other door.

"If you want to have a life together, a family, then there's one important lesson I can impart on you. It's what is mean to be a parent. You always have to do what's best for your children."

Snow shakes her head vehemently, presses herself further against the stable door, willing herself to go through it. "Guardian!"

"Thank you. I understand," Daniel says as he looks to Regina, who is still beams from where she stands. His gaze returns to Cora. "Because that's what you're doing now."

"Guardian, please!"

Cora smiles at him. "Yes, it is."

"Guardian!"

But the nightmare doesn't come to an end. Cora's hand plunges into Daniel's chest, and she plucks his still-beating heart from his body. Regina's smile completely disappears, replaced by a look of sheer terror and horror.

"Mother!"

Snow falls to the ground in a graceless, sobbing heap as Regina does the same. "No! No! No, no, no..."

Regina's sobs rattle her whole body, and her hands shake uncontrollably as she gathers her stable boy into her arms. Cora's remain steady as she lets the ash that used to be Daniel's heart slip to the dirty stable floor.

"Mother, why have you done this?"

Snow continues to sob as she watches Regina kiss Daniels lifeless lips in the hope of waking him. Her stepmother's tears only spur hers on as she watches Cora smile at her daughter, a twisted and demented thing.

"Because this is your happy ending."

Snow groans. "Guardian, please, please..."

The lack of complete and total bewilderment on Regina's face makes Snow want to vomit. To think that killing your child's true love was their happy ending - it was too much for Snow to process. It was complete madness! But Cora never wavers, never gives in the slightest.

"You have to trust me, Regina. I know best. Love is weakness, Regina. It feels real now, at the start, it always does. But it's an illusion...it fades, and then you're left with nothing. But power - true power - endures, and then you don't have to rely on anyone to get what you want. I've saved you, my love."

Now Snow knows Cora was truly crazy. What exactly has she saved Regina from? Happiness? Love? The woman must truly have been delusional.

Regina's face is overcome with a look of sheer hatred as she turns to look at her beaming mother. "You've ruined everything," she spits. "I loved him. I loved him!"

Cora shakes her head in disgust, bringing her hands up to cover her ears, as if to protect them from Regina's declaration.

"Enough! I've endured this long enough." She pulls Regina to her feet roughly and grasps her daughter's shoulders with an iron grip. "Now clean yourself up, wipe away your tears, because now you're going to be queen."

Snow curls into a ball as Cora drags Regina back to the estate - back to her prison. She sobs as she stares at the lifeless body of the kind stable boy. A life cut short because she couldn't keep her word, because she had foolishly believed that Cora was truly trying to make Regina happy.

"I'm so sorry," she sobs into the ground. "Regina, I'm so sorry."

 **o0o**

Snow is still crying when the next memory springs to life. She wants this nightmare to end. She wants to go home, she wants to forget that she saw any of this!

She looks around as she wipes at her eyes. She in Regina's castle...and there is Regina, directly in front of her, Eva's crown on her head. She's standing in the doorway of the kitchens, listening to something.

This time she does not timidly creep over to where her stepmother stands - Snow is through with being cautious. She's not actually there. These are only memories. She stops next to her stepmother, for that's truly what she is now. There is a ring on her finger to prove it, as if her mother's crown hadn't. Snow peeks past the doorway to see who it is that Regina is spying on.

It's Johanna, her nanny. And the cook. And several maids. And the new queen in the topic of their heated discussion. Johanna brings her hand down onto the countertop, making a few of the maids jump.

"The nerve! He's married a child to do my job! As if she has any clue how to raise a child on her own."

The cook snorts and the maids nod in agreement. Snow looks next to her at Regina. Her face has fallen, but she sheds no tears. She seems almost emotionless...in a haze. The cooks smacks a mound of dough onto the flour-covered counter.

"The Child Queen, that's what the whole kingdom is calling her. He may be king, but mercy me, what business does he have of marrying a lass of eighteen?"

Snow takes a step back, her chin dropping as she stares into the open doorway. Eighteen? She had been only eighteen? That couldn't possibly be true! Her father wouldn't have married Regina is she had been that young! No, no, it couldn't-

"He can do as he pleases," Johanna says hotly. "Just as long as that clueless brat doesn't get in my way. I don't really care what her age, just as long as she knows her place."

She turns to look at Regina, but her stepmother is no longer paying attention to the women in the kitchen - she's scowling at the bundle of white fabric that skips towards her from the other end of the hallway.

"Stepmother, I found you!"

Snow cringes at the sound of her younger self's voice. Had she always sounded so...whiny? She watches as Regina cringes at her stepdaughter's choice of words, and her scowl deepens.

"Snow, please don't call me that. I've asked you to call me Regina."

Black curls bounce as young Snow shakes her head. "Father says I must call you Stepmother. He says it is your proper title."

Regina turns before the young princess can see her face contort into a mix of hatred and loathing. Snow remembers Regina persistently trying to get her to use her actual name instead of her "proper title", and eventually she had given in.

Regina schools her features before turning to face the young version of Snow once again. She forces a smile and clasps her hands in front of her, waiting to heart what it is the insipid girl wants.

"Father says you will read to me. Will you?"

The tears begin to flow again as stiff shoulder jerk and begin to more as the Child Queen takes the outstretched hand, grasps the fingers that drip the blood of her fiancé.

"Anything for you, dear."


	5. Chapter 5

Snow awakes in the garden. She collapses onto the vine-covered fountain, no longer able to control the waves of emotion that have been assaulting her senses since the first memory. She barely registers the garden's keeper striding toward her. She wipes her eyes and looks at him.

"Why am I back?"

He smiles at her...or at least, she thinks he does. "That was all of the memories I protect."

"But...but she's got to have more memories than that," she argues. "Why was the kitchens the last one?"

The guardian sits on the edge of the fountain, clasps his hands in his lap. Snow watches him and waits for him to answer. He sits for a few moments longer before turning to look at her.

"That was the last moment she was a child."

She turns away, new tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She was the reason her stepmother had gone from innocent girl to murderous monarch. If she had just -

"You were not the only cause of her turn, Snow White."

Snow's head snaps in the guardian's direction. "How did you-"

"You were merely the metaphorical shove off the edge. There were more factors than your...betrayal."

Snow knows he's right. She's just witnessed the actual disease that caused Regina to change - to become a completely different person. Loneliness. A life of solitude and being ignored. She would have lost it, too. She faces him once more.

"Thank you for helping me."

A hand comes to rest on her shoulder. "May you always remember this night, Snow White."

 **o0o**

She sits in a booth at Granny's.

She'd never forgotten that night almost half a century ago, in the mystical garden that had vines full of memories. She'd never forgotten the memories the garden had shown her. Of course, the threat that had come from the source of the memories had caused just the slightest bit of panic, and a little less hope in said source, but the hope had never completely gone away.

Neither had the guilty feeling that had come about the birthday.

Snow had gone to Robin first, figuring she would have at least told her husband when her birthday was. Apparently even the title of spouse didn't qualify for information about all important dates. Neither did the position of son...or psychiatrist...or twisted magic tutor.

It had been Whale she had finally pulled the information from. It hadn't been easy, but after nearly two hours of pestering the man, he'd finally cracked, giving her the date she'd scoured the town for.

So here she sits, waits for the woman to finally enter the diner. Ten minutes later, she does. There's a worried look on her face as she hurries to where Snow sits. She smiles at the very tiny bump that shows from beneath the fabric of her stepmother's red dress.

"You said this was an emergency. Why are you smiling?"

She looks up at the unamused face of Regina Mills. The woman crosses her arms and waits for Snow to give her an answer. When she fails to respond, the perfect brow arches into the perfectly maintained hairline.

Snow gestures to the opposite side of the booth. "Sit."

Regina stands for a few more seconds before she sighs and sits down across from Snow. They sit for a few moments longer before Snow breaks the silence.

"It's May 21st."

Regina rolls her eyes dramatically before she looks back at her stepdaughter. "I know what day it is, dear. Why am I really here, Mary Margaret?"

She just continues to stare at the queen. She sees the memories flash by in front of her eyes as she recalls that night in the forest. She smiles again as they end.

"Happy birthday, Regina."

 **AN**

 **Thank you guys SO MUCH for reading this story! Writing is a guilty pleasure I really have a hard time denying, so I'm glad makes others happy to. If you guys ever want to send me a prompt, don't even think about hesitating! You guys are the best!**

 **TM - _Long Live the_** _Muse_


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